Images of Ireland

The Irish smoke almost as much as the French.
The cure for everything from constipation to impotence is - a pint!
Guiness tastes like Tar Ponds sludge!
Dubliners are a lot like Cape Bretoners - born cranky and get worse with age.
Times are so tough in Ireland, I bought an Advent Calendar and nine of the windows were boarded up.
The Irish National Rugby Team is NOT called the All Beef Paddys.
A 1/4 with cheese is called a feckin' 1/4 pounder with feckin' cheese.

Day 11-12 - Manchester & Liverpool

Visited the Whitworth gallery at Manchester University. Beautiful collection of Turner watercolours, in addition to a Van Gogh and many more...but still no Bidet. Megan Capstick, careful not to hurt my feelings, very politely explained to me that Bidet was not a French Impressionest painter but is a bathroom fixture. Went to the panto last night - Snow White - starring Tina O'Brian ( Sarah Platt from Corrie) and some of the cast of Emmerdale. It was quite an experience with songs, dances, jokes and audience participation.
The Coronation Street set is closed because they are doing a 50th Anniversary special. I tried to get in by saying I was a fan from Canada. The guard asked me if a knew a bloke named Angus Capstick. I said yes but they still woulnn't let me in.
Today I went to Liverpool and had a private tour of everything Beatle curtesy of a company known as Daytrippers. My guide. Ricky Gallagher, was a walking encyclopedia of beatlemania. We visited the childhood homes of the fab four, St Peter's Church where John and Paul first met, Penny Lane, Strawberry Fields and many more. here is a trivia question for Len Fifield if he is following this:
On the Abbey Road album cover, where is the fifth Beetle? Nard, answer this correctly and you will receive a valuable prize at the next rally.
Tonight - bus to Carlisle for Hadrian's Wall

Day 10 - Manchester

The streets of Manchester are deserted. The Christmas Fayre is empty! TWord is there has been a tragic tram accident on the outskirts of the city and everyone is at home, glued to the telly, hungry for news of this tragedy. There are reports that at least four people have been killed and many more injured. Apparently the tram left the tracks and crashed into a corner shop while a second car has destroyed a news agent's across the street. Names of the dead have not been released and may not be known until the one hour live episode of the 50th Anniversary of Coronation Street on Thursday night!
Cold here but little snow. Megan Capstick took me around the sights and then out for a curry. She had to keep me busy until 10pm so that I would not watch Corrie.I had to ask about her father, Angus, meeting Peter Barlow form Corrie. She says it was embarrassing. Angus harrassed the poor man like the crazed fan he is until promised to take him to the set. I think he just wanted to get away.
On the flight from Dublin I sat with the actor who plays Liam on Corrie. He was very nice but not too talkative. He did give me an autograph but didn't offer to take me to the set. It was only after I met up with Megan that I learned his character has been killed off some time ago. Maybe that's why he was on the $7.99 Ryanair flight.
Ryanair is the 21st century's version of travelling steerage. You pay to put your bags on, the baggage crew check you in and they sell everything from smokes to dirty calendars on board.There is no seat assignment, you sit anywhere, so boarding is like a race at the start of an Easter Egg hunt.There is a rumour that they are considering installing pay toilets.
Tonight - Snow White - the Panto!!

Day 9 - Northern Ireland

 Up early today to catch the Paddy Wagon to Belfast and a tour of the north. We started with a quick tour of the city then off to Carrick-a-Rede, a rope bridge 30m above the sea. It was used by fishermen to reach a small island where they fished salmon. Rick Steves reccommended a visit so who am I to say no.
We then headed for the Giant's Causeway, home of the legendary Irish Giant, Finn McCool. On the way we encountered an icy hill where our driver, Wee Paul, proceeded to spin out and land in a hedge. A Danish gentleman and I offered to help so we got off the bus to assess the situation. I found a pile of grit   ( sand) on the side of the road so we got everyone off the bus and we sanded the area around the wheels. We had to work hard to convince Wee Paul that he couldn't go uphill with his wheels turned and that it would be better to back down the hill to a bare spot and make a run for it. So here we were, directing two Phillipino girls, three French teenagers, two South Korean girls and an Aussie to take handfuls of wet sand and throw it on the ice. There was lots of giggling but we soon had the job done and Wee Paul made it to the top. We got to the causeway in time for lunch where we enjoyed Steak and Guiness Pie.
The last stop was in Londonderry or Derry, depending on your religion, where we heard a brief history of "The Troubles" and Bloody Sunday. I didn't get any pictures because busses are not permitted to stop there.

Tomorrow I am off to Manchester

Dublin - continued

Dublin has been crippled by a snow storm and they tell me the city has used up its entire snow removal budget! The sidewalks are icy so I had to walk on the street to get to the Guiness Brewery - thank God for bike lanes! I came across the Oscar Wilde memorial on my way and you can see the snow. The second photo is his house and you can see the ice on the sidewalk. Here is a tidbit - I bet you think "daylight robbery" means daytime crime. The term actually come from the days when the Brits taxed glass thereby robbing the Irish of their daylight. To save tax the Irish used smaller windows on each succeeding floor - just look at the photo.
Stopped in at the National Gallery- saw a Picasso, several Gainsborough but still not a single Bidet? The guard says the walks are so icy he has never seen so many sober Irishmen falling down.
Guiness was interesting. It is the largest brewery in the world. Arthur Guiness leased the land for 9000 years at 45 Irish pounds a year. What a negotiator. After Guiness I was off to Temple Bar area for a pub lunch. Callum, an elderly gentleman from Wicklow I met on the ferry, suggested The Duke because he believed it was a condition of their lisence that at least one story teller and one philosopher be on the premises at all times. The Temple Bar area actually has more pan handlers that Spring Garden Road, I never would have thought it possible.
Tonight I attended a presentation of Handel's Messiah with the Irish Philharmonic, a 30 voice Bach Choir and four of Ireland's best known opera stars. It was awe inspiring, especially the Hallelujah Chorus, of which they played an encore.
Tomorrow I am off to Northern Ireland on Paddy Wagon Tours ( honest to God)

Quote of the day - "If you don't understand English, move to the left." - Guiness Guide

Day 8 - Dublin

To get enough to eat was an accomplishment,
To get drunk was a victory!
- Brendan Behan - Irish playwright and rebel.

To the memory of Wilbert "Wib - Roderick the ram" MacLennan and Brian "Red" Dowling

Day 6&7 - Au Revoir France-Hello Ireland

I awoke on Thursday to a light snow fall. No problem...unless you are in France. Public Transit was not operating so I called all the Taxi operators in town, Etienne, who advised me that he would not come out because "the snow it mek a den-ger." When I told him there were lots of cars about he suggested I "Faire le Pouce" ( hitch-hike) When the hotel manager heard this he offered to drive me to the station.

I arrived in Cherbourg in a raging snowstorm-that's the city behind me in the first photo. Is a foot of snow unusual here? I would say considering they have palm trees!The taxis here were not out either ( den-ger, den-ger) so I had to walk 3K to the ferry terminal. I had planned to go to the acquarium but it was closed because of the weather. I had to wait seven hours for the ferry and finally left at 9:30. The Oscar Wilde was great - more like a cruise ship than a ferry. I got into a card game called The Wheel with a bunch of Irish truckers. I can't explain the rules but the talk was a lot like Tarabish:

" Where'd you get dat fookin' ace?"

"Up me arse."

"Fook off ya eegit."

"Na, you fook off ya gobshite!"

One of the truckers had his 10 year old son, Michael, with him. I got him to say "Ther'ye magically delicious" for half a TWIX bar. The poor little bugger had no idea what I was doing to him.

I arrived in Ireland at 4pm and hopped the bus to Dublin. There is a foot of snow here too! When I got off the bus I fell on my arse on the icy sidewalk. The bus driver apologized and said the "fookin' eegits in Dublin didn't get enough brass from the EU to put grit (sand) on the bleedin' paths."

Tomorrow - Guiness Brewey